I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
