I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
