Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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