she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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