I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
