And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
