a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
