Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
