just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
