you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
