I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
