Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
