bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
