I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
