On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
