I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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