Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
