Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
