Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
