I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my being single is dangerous.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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