Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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