I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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