you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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