Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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