carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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