So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
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