You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
