The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
