no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
