life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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