I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
