She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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