ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
