I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
