i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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