He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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