We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
