Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
