a search helicopter?!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
