my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
