Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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