ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
