Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My pussy is not your playground.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
