can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
