I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
