dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
