I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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