she pinky promised me she was 18
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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