I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
