Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
