it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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