i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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