Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
