thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
