you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
