pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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