Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
pray to the hookup gods
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
