The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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