I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
