I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This baby is an asshole
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
