I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
