omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
