just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
