i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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