Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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