So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize