She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
