Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
