you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
