I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize